No Comfort In Being Alone
by scrabble
Summary: ShinjiAsuka. A little cliched and I have been told that but more or less an attempt to blend good ideas into a good story. Finally working on the next chapter.
1. Default Chapter

Just so you know I am not familiar with Japanese in the least, so I had to piece together the characters behavior by watching the series in both languages (you may have had this problem yourself) because well.. I can't understand the original voicing and English seemed to kind of ruin some of it.. It sounds kind of corny but I know you probably all know what I'm talking about. I based alot of it on things that happened in the series.

* * *

Shinji clamped his eyelids down tighter, desperately hoping for the sweet relief of sleep. He had just ended a long dragged out fight with Asuka, the result of which was the corner of a chair jammed into his spine. He shifted, feeling the sharp itch of the newly formed bruise, and let out a weary sigh. It would be worse tomorrow.

* * *

_Earlier:_

"What do you mean you think you know? You don't know anything about me!" Asuka was shouting at the top of her lungs by this point. Of all people why did HE have to come across right now? The great and mighty Shinji, the scared little boy who thought he was so perfect. Why couldn't he have just minded his own business? If he had just left her alone, let her sort this out herself instead of bothering her, just left her by herself.. she thought about it, glaring at the boy in front of her. He was standing behind a chair like he was hiding, using it as a shield. Why him? Just WHY?

"B-but I heard you. You were crying," he said quietly, his voice cracking shakely. The last thing he wanted to do was upset her more, but it was true. When he had walked by her room she been whailing like a hurt child. He knocked, stupidly hoping she'd tell him what was wrong. What ever was bothering her was obviously not a new occurance. Even her sync ratio with her Eva was dropping, drastically.

"No I wasn't. I don't cry" She clenched her fists on her hips, vainly trying to look stronger, like she was feigning invincibility. It was obvious that it was an act; her eyes were bloodshot, still filling with tears.

"Asuka... you're crying right now." Shinji was barely speaking at the level of a whisper. He knew what was coming.

She froze for a split second, reallity sinking in just slightly. Was she crying? Of course she was. This was her breaking down wasn't it? She felt weak, angry.

SLAP

She smacked her hand across his cheek, nearly knocking him over onto the corner of the kitchen table. He kept his face down. The dim light fading outside ran over his dark brown bangs, casting a shadow that nearly concealed his eyes.

"Sorry... I shouldn't have bothered you in the first place."

Somehow his last comment managed to hit a nerve, the redhaired girl didn't even know where it came from herself. She started yelling uncontrollably "You think so? Then why did you? Did you think you could fucking understand when I don't? Maybe you're better than me? Or maybe I wouldn't mind being bothered in the middle of something like this? You're just a spineless little boy! A pathetic weak child! Look at you, you can't even argue back!"

As she went on he squeezed his fingers to the palms of his hands, tensing them then letting them fall loosely at a rythmic pace. He had begun to get upset himself. Maybe she was right. The idea of being weak and pathetic was familiar to him, he felt that way right now. Every word that spilled from Asuka's mouth brought up another painful thought, each one cutting him like a knife. Why didn't she understand? It was frustrating. He wanted to choke her, like he could physically force the ideas he wanted her to have into her head.

Shinji took a step out from behind the chair, still tightening his fingers. Asuka had expected him to mope off into his room, so she was surprised to find him coming towards her. She stepped back quickly, only to be trapped against the cold wooden counter. He looked up into her big blue eyes, he could see fear clouding behind the glaze of unfallen tears. Immediately her head shot down and she looked away.

She shuddered as she felt his forearms brush against hers. That was it, she had finally broken him into snapping and he was going to kill her. It would be a fitting end she thought to herself. She deserved it after all, and no longer being able to pilot there really was no reason to keep going right? Her eyes closed and she took a long breath, arms pulled in close to her as she braced for what was about to happen. But pain never came, and after a few seconds she opened her eyes. Shinji was standing there, hands resting on the counter to either side of her carefully keeping himself from touching her. The look on his face was soft and worried.

"I'm not going to hurt you" he told her, knowing exactly why she had backed away like that. A pang of guilt hit him in right behind his throat, knowing how much he had wanted to a few seconds ago. He wrapped her in a hug, locking his hands on his elbows as she began to struggle to get away.

"Idiot! I don't want you hugging me! I ha-" She cut herself off in midsentance. Did she really hate him? She pondered for a moment staring down at the hem of her yellow dress, then finally giving in to Shinji's hug. Her posture became slumped and she leaned back against his arms, finally reaching around him and letting her head fall onto the furthest part of his shoulder.

He was surprised to say the least. The last thing Shinji had expected was her to hug him back. He would have been happy just not getting hit again. His arms loosened from each other and tightened around the girl, who was now seemingly calm. It was the first time he had hugged... well anyone since he was very young really. He didn't want to let go.

She could feel the side of his hand resting slightly against her shoulder blade. It was comforting; she could have stayed there for hours. What was wrong with her? She picked her head up. This couldn't be happenening. She couldn't be hugging this boy. This pathetic little worm.

He felt her hands leave his back, then on his chest. He looked up, what was it he saw in her face? He couldn't put his finger on it. Was it guilt? It all seemed so odd until he realized he was being flung backwards. A bad choice loosening his grip, he thought just before hitting the top of a chair. The wooden corner stabbed at his back, feeling like it would push between his vertabrae just as he slid down and hit the dusty floor. Asuka just looked at him for a moment, almost like she had regretted it.

"Idiot.." her voice was barely audible as she hurried off to her room.

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Hmmmm... well that's the first chapter. I don't know why but writing always makes me hungry, so like usual I'm gonna go get some food. I think ...raviolis with the extra cheese and the four cheese sauce and grated cheese (I like cheese) and a big thing of chocolate milk with the powder so i can leave a little bit at the top. ya, i think i might be a little hungry. i'm gonna go get dinner.. breakfast w/e lol. anyway if you review you'll make me super happy: ) 


	2. Chapter 2

I'm sorry this one's shorter and more cliched but it fits best in the long run. Actually I had written it right after the last one but I couldn't find the disk.. you know how ADD is. Thank you (alot) for your reviews, I really appreciate it.

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There was a faint knocking, he had barely heard it through the white noise sound of the ended tape in his SDAT. It sent a small shock through him, echoing dimly in his ears like it was the first time he had ever heard it. Shinji rolled over, stretching as he stood. It had to be pretty late by now, who else would be up? The door opened with a squeak as it slid across its thin metal frame. 

"Asuka..?" he asked blinking groggily at the redheaded girl. He had almost been asleep.

Her head was down, she knew she would back away if she looked at him. Tears were falling from her face, shining contrastantly against the dark as the headed towards the floor. She didn't know what to do, what to feel or to think. The only thing that seemed clear to her is she wanted to be comfortable, if even for just a moment, and she had thought of no one else to get this feeling from. The realization sent a shiver down her spine and she had the urge to pretend she had just come there to hit him again for earlier.

"No." She said quietly to herself, shaking off the feeling.

Shinji looked at her confused. No? Not Asuka? ..or had she assumed he was thinking something perverted? He brushed it off, assuming that must be it. She had yelled at him before about such things. His face grew hot remembering some of the things that had crossed his mind at one point in time or another. He forced it from his attention as quickly as it appeared there, feeling bad for even being reminded of it.

"Asuka, what's wrong?"

There was a long pause. What was she so upset about? He wanted her to stop crying.

"Asuka... I'm- " Shinji cut himself off. It probably just would make her angry if he apologized again.

She looked through a wet glaze at the edge of Shinji's plain white T-shirt. It was as close to his face she could muster up the courage to look. How embaressing it was to be here, like this. Her light sobbing turned more audible and she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling herself towards him. Their shoulders hit almost painfully. Shinji gasped loudly, reflexively pulling his hands away like it would burn him to touch her.

He was warm, so incredibly warm. She pushed her body into him further, wanting to be as close to him as possible. A sudden bolt of shame sparked through the back of her head like lightning, but it quickly went away. What did it matter now? She had nothing to be proud of anymore. She could die and it wouldn't matter right? There wasn't any point in fighting , at least not this. And even if there was, she was too caught up to want to.

Shinji stood there like a deer caught in head lights. He was scared stiff, and lost beyond the definition of confusion. She rested her head against his, moving with ragged breaths. Shinji could feel their ears push together despite the long strands of hair between them. Her ear was cold he noticed, wet from tears, she must have been crying in her bed.

He inhaled deeply as he wondered over the situation, catching the light scent of flowers drifting off of her hair. A loud sniff snapped him back from his thoughts, and he crossed his arms behind her. He was still slightly dazed but he knew one thing. Atleast he didn't feel like crap.

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"even cats die" RIP K 


	3. Chapter 3

"I need help don't I? I need.. to depend on myself. That's what's really wrong here..." Asuka talked sadly to herself, quietly trying to justify her own feelings. It had been a few hours since she had woken up next to Shinji on the couch. He had looked so peaceful, she had never seen him so tranquil. He almost seemed happy. She wanted to stay there next to him. It had been comfortable, but staying there would have just added to the embaressment she felt already. He was probably bragging to his friends right now, telling them twisted versions of what had gone on.

"Stupid" she turned and leaned against the wall from her cold seat on the lid of the toilet. It felt like everything was screaming at her, but she coudn't bring herself to listen. Not that long ago the situation would have sent her into a full on bitch fit. At the moment it felt like nothing could even provoke her to move. It didn't matter though. Everything seemed so blurred.

Tiny droplets of water had condensed from her recent shower. They ran down the off white utility fictures, leaving little paths as they joined together and streaked towards the floor. The air was still damp, hot with steam.

She rubbed her fingers against each other. They seemed to be washed, each one frictioning against the one it touched like it had been scrubbed with a strong soap. She didn't remember showering.

Asuka exhaled as far as she could, before sucking in a wet breath and finally standing. Even if she had showered, she felt like a bath. Maybe she really was losing it.

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Shinji kicked his shoes off and placed them on the matt next to the door. His stomach made a small gurgling noise as he entered the apartment.

A snack sounded pretty decent. He headed to the kitchen and over to the cabinet, letting himself skid to a stop on his socks. Noodles seemed to be the easiest to make. The only thing required was hot water. It was probably the reason Misato had so many. He poured the water in from the sink and put the whole cup in the microwave for four minutes. It wasn't the right way to make them, but a little faster atleast.

The door was closed to the bathroom, he realized as he waited. Something about it gave him the chills. Asuka had stayed home from school. He hadn't seen her since he fell asleep the night before. She hadn't told him what was wrong; she had barely said anything at all.

He frowned, popping open the microwave door with the white push-in handle. "She's probably in there cursing me."

* * *

"Things are confusing..." the once proud pilot mumbled to no one in particular, letting herself sink beneath the warm water. It was calming; all of the noises outside were muffled and base sounds were amplified. She could hear herself shift against the bottom of the tub, the bones of her spine squeaking as she turned and pulled in her knees. Her thoughts drifted back to a dream she had been having.

There was someone tied in the rafters. The cloth was soft, like toilet paper, absorbing an odorless sweat. It looked like the top of a factory tower. Everything was made of shiny metal. Huge fans spun lazily in misplaced windows, squeaking with the occasional breeze. The sun shown through brightly, making the room humid but comfortable. Outside a small portion of trees could be seen, their leaves darkened by the light behind them. The color was indescribable. It was like seeing blue and yellow at the same time, with out the creation of green.

Asuka let her mind wonder in the peace until the burning lack of oxygen disturbed it too much to ignore. The air was bitter but relieving as she finally made herself sit up. She coughed shaking the ache from her lungs. Having to breathe was such a disappointment.

The water rippled and splashed violently in her sudden movement. She watched as the waves rocked back and forth, diminishing almost as quickly as they had been created. It made her feel kind of sad watching them die down so quickly.

The feeling of being cold crept down her neck, rising tiny white hairs in its path. She had a sudden urge to reach for something. There didn't seem to be anything around but the already used towel sitting on the lid of the toilet across from her. She snatched it up and clung to it like it was a stuffed bear.

Something sharp scratched her. A cerulean blue handle was sticking from a fold in the dull yellow of the terrycloth. It was her razor. It had been in the bottom of the tub from the shower and she had thrown it out of the way and forgotten.

Her fingers fiddled with the sea shell engraving above the blade, the towel floating away like a piss colored cloud in the clear water.

"If only I could have been a hermit crab." She threw it to the other end of the tub as she jumped up. It cracked as it hit the metal faucet. The blade had seperated and as it slid down the curve near the bath plug it reflected. Asuka looked at it, stepping over the side and onto the wet floor. It looked like the color from her dream.

She slipped, smashing her head into the sink.

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I know, I know, it has been cliched, I'm trying to smooth the edges off an idea. It's weird, sorry. 


	4. Chapter 4

"MOTHER FUCKER!"

Shinji looked up towards the bathroom and froze, letting the noodles fall back into the styrofoam cup. A loud slamming accompanied by a flood of angry shouting poured out from behind the door. As the shock wore off he jumped up and ran towards the noise.

"Asuka? What's going on in there?" He knocked, afraid to open the door. She shouted again, changing her tone towards him then back again - or he assumed that was the case anyway. He had no idea what she was saying.

A few seconds later he had built up the nerve to look in, only to find a naked Asuka standing in the middle of a demolished bathroom beating a broken sink with the toilet seat. Blood layed in pools on the floor, it dripped from just about everything in varient sized splashes. Her head was bleeding heavily. The two shades of red blended together like a painting of a pheonix. Her fists also bled, as did her feet from the broken pieces of mirror and chips of sink strewn about the floor. It looked like a lavatory themed war-zone.

Shinji slid as he dove to grab the toilet seat from her. He wacked it out of her hand with his wrist. It spun wildly in midair before landing in the tub. She struggled to get free and shouted louder as he locked his arms around her in a restraining bear hug. Reflexively he started to let go, but tightened his grip as a sharp piece of sink in the back warned him of what she could do.

"Asuka! Asuka! Stop it!"

She responded furiously with a knee to his groin. He could barely keep hold as the pain petrified him. Not knowing what else to do he gritted his teeth and dragged her kicking and screaming away from the sharp wreckage and into the living room.

Asuka collapsed to the floor as he let her go. It was a total meltdown. Almost the second she landed she started hyperventilating. Tears ran down her face in whole streams.

"Always crying," she thought to herself, "how disgusting."

He looked down at her. Her face was towards the floor. Seeing her like this was traumatizing. What should he do? Misato would not be home until late.

"Are you all right?" He knelt down next to her, still debating whether or not to call an ambulance.

She glanced upwards through bloody tears; his usually white shirt looked like it had been uniquely tie-dyed . Everywhere on her started to sting, like the reaction had somehow been delayed. It only made her whail and cry more. She coughed, spitting as she started to black out.

"Asuka! Stay awake! Don't go to sleep!" He screamed at her from the top of his lungs. She was completely down now; her eyes rolled into the back of her head.

Dr. Akagi! The idea raced through his head. She would know what to do. She could get someone over to help faster than an ambulance. He ran for the phone, shaking as he scrambled to dial the number.

"Hell-?"

"Dr. Akagi?" he cut her off like a panicked child, "Asuka's hurt, I need help, she needs help, I don't know what to do she was in the bathroom and I heard a scream so I knocked and she kept screaming and I went in and there was blood and glass everywhere so I-"

"Shinji slow down. Is she all right?" Her voice dropped to an almost worried tone.

"I don't know!"

"I'm sending someone over there now. Is she concious?"

"No"

"Listen to me, go make sure she's still breathing. Paramedics will be over there in just a minute."

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Thanks for the reviews. Going for less cliched but having trouble with the longer part. I think I'm just going to restructureit when it's complete (that's my4in the morningthinking anyway.) Sorry it's been so long, I've been really busy. I finally know where this story is going though so hopefully I won't be so slow in the future. 


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